The only difference

It has been about one month since my nightmare of a coworker left. Let me tell u. It has made the world of difference in my life! I knew i hated her, but i never realized how much. Every interaction i had with her was forced. When others were in our office i seriously had to force my self to be nice to her. It was exhausting! So now, about 4 weeks later, i have a new coworker. I love her. Shes smart and professional. i have no problems chatting with her. I dont end my days completely drained and start them enraged. My life has had a complete turn around. I have never ever had someone have such a negative affect on my life and them not even know it. She still has tried to be friendly with me, but after the whole rumor drama with her, i do not have it in me to pretend. So good bye black cloud in my life. Back to being my happy, bubbly self :)

So long summer

so in about 3 hours fall begins. I am so sad to see summer go. I love the warm weather and all the fun summer activities. I dont hate fall, but i hate what fall leads to. Overall i had a good summer. Nothing exciting happened and i did manage to keep myself out of trouble. I spent most of the summer in some weird funk, but i dont think it ruined the entire season. So now i have the fall activities to look forward to... Apple picking, spiced apple martini's, pumpkin everything and Halloween! I hope that fall brings me happiness and less drama. So good bye summer, as always, u have gone too soon!

Talk Talkin alot But its Still Talk...

First, i would like to apologize to the 2 ppl that read this blog. Life has been crazy the past few weeks and i think just now things r starting to get back to normal.

Now on to todays rant! My coworker and i used to be pretty good work friends. We were not besties or anything, but i would say we were close enough to go out at lunch together, shop, etc. Over the past few years we have grown apart (100% my doing). I just grew tired of her childish ways and how loud and obnoxious she was about everything. As far as she was concerned i was her 'girl' and she 'had my back' Last week was her last week being my coworker and i was happy to be done with her. I never planned on cutting her out of my life for ever. but i figured she would email me from time to time and i would have occasional, civil contact with her. I knew she was far too dense to know how much i hated her while we worked together. This week work was going great! i didnt have to listen to endless phone conversations, i was able to keep my music on as loud as i wanted and i was in a great mood! Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon when i get an email from her. I didnt really think anything of it at first, i skimmed it real quick cuz i was busy and planned on emailing her back something very vague and cordial. Until i get to the last paragraph. She drops a bombshell on me! She tells me about this rumor going around about me and how 'everyone' is talking about said rumor. I wont get into the rumor on here, but it is a pretty big rumor, the kind that if it was going around about u, u would hope someone would clue u into the fact. She proceeds to tell me that people would ask her 'all the time' and she would deny the rumor for me, cuz again, i am her 'girl'. She didnt want to TELL me about the rumor because it would have been AWKWARD because we sat next to each other. WHAT.THE.FUCK. seriously?! i THOUGHT friends would tell each other these things. Regardless if u thought the rumor was true or not, someone ANYONE should have said to me 'hey amy i know its none of my business, but i thought u had the right to know.' really? not ONE SINGLE PERSON. No one thought they would be nice and just effing HINT that people were saying SHIT about me. I dont care what people choose to believe, i just wish someone would have told me so i could have defended myself. Now i fear its too late. Everywhere i walk around work i wonder 'did they hear?' or 'what are they thinking about me' i think about conversations ive had with coworkers that at the time seemed very random, could they have been misconstrued? I know people are going to think and say what they want, hell if it was about someone else i'd be all over this rumor. But its different when its about you. But whatever. its over, its going around, and people have formed their opinions about me already and theres no changing their minds at this point and i mean i guess its not even the rumor i care so much about. Its these so called 'friends' who just fucking talked about me and 'knew' these things about me and never once told me or hinted to me. No matter how weird it would have made things, if someone was a real, true, genuine friend they would have told me because i had the right to know and thats what friends do...

So as i sit here on a friday night listening to my zune and blogging, i am completely emotionally drained. I think i felt every emotion possible in the past 3 days. I'm glad for the 3 day weekend to finally be here. And i am glad to have learned what kind of a 'good friend' this person is. I just want to know when people will ever grow up and why people care so much about my life??

summer time...

A lot has happened since i last wrote. ( i am the WORST at keeping up with this!)

Last week i had some time off, and it was much needed. We went to the Blink 182 show and it was such a good time. I have LOVED blink as long as i can remember ( i think even before hanson!!)! I have been looking forward to this show since they announced their come back @ the Grammys in February! The hype did not disappoint. It was prob the best blink show i have seen and it was great to hear every old song that i have grown up loving. Towards the end of the show i got a little nostalgic and realized that this was probably the last time i will see them live, because i honestly do not think they will stay together (even for the kids -ha see what i did there, yes lame blink song joke, sigh-). But it was great rocking out like i was 14 again.
The rest of that weekend was filled with sports. Rox game-terrible, WAY too many children which made me realize if @ 26 im not ready to deal with them, perhaps i never will. Revs game- Tons of fun. it was nice, inexpensive and something different to do. Sunday we had a cookout @ nicole and erics, which was a lo of fun too!
Monday dan and i decided to be adventurous and go to a new beach. we went to Dennis. the beach was nice, and we had an awesome time! there wasnt much else to do in town (imo) so we headed home and got some drinks closer to home. Tuesday we chilled @ home and now im back @ work!
All in all my vacation was really nice, we didnt go anywhere Fancy, but thats just fine by me. I got to spend time with friends and family and just relax.

A kiss to send us off...

This weekend Dan and i went to the Incubus show. It was JUST what i needed. I can not even remember the last time i had that much fun. To me, there is nothing like a live show. We had great seats and the band put on a great show! i would def say it was one of the best shows i have been to ever! Of course the night was going to well, so something had to go wrong. We lost the car!! we found it after 20 mins of frantically searching12 lots!! lol but all was well once we found the focus! we then sat in traffic to get out of the lot for what seemed like forever. But it was ok because we had so much fun, and i drive like an aggressive a-hole, so i was able to get us out in pretty good time ;) The show was pretty much a kick off to a busy month of events! im excited for the next show, Blink 182, which is on thursday and im sure will be just as much fun. Im slowly starting to get out of my life funk and back to being my happy self. Having time off and things to do during the time off is really helping alot. So heres to a great month of summer fun!

Maybe Its because i Just Can't Honestly Tell you what I want...

Its no secret, i am going thru some sort of quarter life crisis. I have always known what i want out of life and have always been a relatively upbeat, happy person. Lately i cant get out of my own way. i have lost interest in everything. I should be happy, i have everything i want, but i still find my self in a funk. I dont even know what it is i want. I think what started this whole crisis is my absolute paranoia about losing my job. If i lose my job, what will i do?? where will i work? and will i ever have a job like this again!? what if i cant find another job? what if i have to work @ walmart? nothing like a $100k degree and working @ walmart. The whole thing stresses me out. And then its like, i want to be happy, but as i sit here, teary eyed, i can only think about how sad i am. Its nothing anyone did to me or said to me. Its just something i can not explain... I am not an emotional person, i can man up with the best of them. I ignore people that bother me, push people away when i think i am about to get hurt, but lately i feel like if someone looks at me the wrong way i will burst into tears. This is not a way for me to live. No matter what i do i cant snap out of it. I have tried going out in the fresh air @ lunch time, walks after dinner, movies, hobbies, outings with the hubby, everything. While i am happy while we are doing these things, i always return to feeling miserable. I really need to snap out of this. I just wish i knew what it is that i honestly want...

Reasons we are not parents

Caitlin and I are like in so many ways, down to saying the same thoughts at the same time. And one way we are like is that we both are not ready to become moms. We've thoughtfully listed all the reasons we choose to stay childless. I am purple and Caitlin is pink.


-"I am tired of taking care of living things." (Even in a drought, I'm just not dedicated enough to water the plants I grew from seeds.)
-If my car is sick, I'd rather just let the dealer keep it and give me a new one.
-My mom now asks if I have food and am eating every time she sees me.
-Realizing at 10pm that you did not feed the dog.
-Not even knowing how many fish you have in the fish tank, or not noticing when one just disappeared.
-I need my sleep.
-At one point had STFU Parents on Google Reader. (It got old though.)
-That thing called childbirth.
-Stretch marks!
-No drinking for 9 months.
-No coffee for 9 months (total deal breaker).
-Far too self-absorbed.
-I am notoriously impatient.
-Can't stand the sight of a crying baby and have to leave the room.
-I don't think I could care that much about pooping on the potty.
-Daisy of Love is not appropriate family viewing.
- Can't listen to "Crazy Bitch" on full blast in the car with a baby on board.
-Flying to Boston for a Hanson concert? Not gonna happen with kids around.
-Blood? Injuries? Loose teeth? No thank you.
-The possibility of multiples makes me go "Holy crap."
-We're still young!
-Half the time, my boyfriend acts like a child.
-Half the time *I* act like a child.
-My boyfriend said once that he wouldn't want to have just one child on the chance it might have only-child syndrome.
-It's way more eco-friendly (less waste, less need to consume, less energy needed).
-Having to cart them around everywhere sounds terrible (I hate bringing my purse out! Never mind a whole PERSON.)
-I want one that looks exactly like Maddox Jolie-Pitt and logically speaking, that won't happen.
- Kids are too needy.
-The possibility of them wanting to go to LSU for college.
- The possibility of them becoming a Yankee fan.
- The possibility of having a snotty little girl.
- I don't want to spend morning, noon and night talking about how AWESOME my kid's scribbles on a paper are.
- I prefer spending disposable income on shoes... for myself.
- MOM JEANS.
-Being in charge of raising an intellectual human being? I don't work well under pressure and stress.
-Lots of parents complain about how parenthood is a 24/7 job. I need my time off.
-I don't hate kids, I just like to give them back to their parents after an hour or so. :)
- I hate kids. :)