sensitive

i try, i really really try to not let things get to me. Sometimes i feel like im too sensitive. Growing up i would get teased, a lot. I was awkward, nerdy, and quiet. When i was a kid people would make fun of my last name, in JR high ppl would make fun of my forehead, in high school people would make fun of my quietness/good grades. All of these things lumped together have made me VERY self conscious. In the back of my mind somewhere i know that these things are just words from people who dont matter or care. Kids are mean, and they leave u with mental scars that no matter how hard you try, u can never forget. I know i am not these things that they say about me. But i still think about them every time i look in the mirror. Which leads me to the point of this blog. When i was in JR high i was fighting with one girl over a boy (shocking i know) i had already been super self conscious about my body at this point and she called me fat. That would be the last time in my life that i would ever be able to eat without thinking about how fat the food was going to make me.
Fast forward to age 25. I am married to a great guy who loves me. Im no longer quiet or nerdy, and i have learned to cover up the forehead. Lately i have been feeling pretty good self esteem wise. I have great friends, a great job and a great husband. Yesterday afternoon i innocently said 'its freezing in here' to which my obnoxious coworker said 'im cold too im glad its no just cuz im bony cuz u are MEATY and ur cold' excuse me?! i am meaty?! i IMMEDIATELY went into fight mode and then my other coworker agreed with her and said that yes i am curvy. i want to cry and never eat again. when i die of an eating disorder u can all have her to thank. i never once considered my LEGS meaty. my legs (or so i thought) were thin. now i look down at my legs and i see frigging tree trunks. The kicker of this whole ordeal is that i am the same height as this person and she weighs a good 20-25 lbs more than i do and is @ least 2 sizes bigger than me. How she can say this is beyond me, but it has rehashed all these feelings. I feel like absolute crap right now. I write this blog with tears in my eyes and i am reverting back to the body image i had when i was 13, fat, ugly, and nerdy. The worst part of is she thinks she did no wrong she "apologized" by saying "i guess im sorry but idk what for" needless to say, im not talking to her.
Why do some people never grow up??

time off

i could so get used to having three day work weeks and lucky for me i have them for the rest of the year! I got lots accomplished on my mini vacation last week. I got 95% of my Christmas shopping done, got my oil changed and even managed to clean the house!

On Saturday Dan and i went on a date!! we saw Four Christmases at the new Cinemas in Foxboro. The theater was very nice and the movie was hilarious! After the movie we went to the Chateau in Norton and had some drinks. It was a lot of fun and i love the Chateau!

So im off again Thursday and friday of this week and i really have nothing planned. Thursday i think i will wrap my gifts and friday nicole invited us to go see a band in Foxboro with her and eric, so we will prob do that. Other than that i plan on a nice relaxing weekend before the craziness of Christmas comes!

control freak!

Im such a control freak. I hate having people touch my things. Since i was a kid i would always rather just do everything myself than rely on others. It really is a problem. So today i am preparing to be off for two days and instead of being excited about having two wonderful days to myself i am more concerned with the fact that my unorganized, irresponsible, lazy coworker will be taking care of my work load. I know no matter how little work i leave her she will have to touch my things. Every time i return from vacation its the same thing with her. Piles of unorganized faxes on my keyboard, binders left alphabetized and work only done half way. I always spend half of my first day back FIXING what she did. I know i have to learn to let people help me out, but its really hard for me!

Holidays

I am a Christmas freak! I love the holidays. I love decorating, baking and I just love the holiday cheer! Theres three weeks till Christmas and its going by WAY too fast!! i have barely gotten any shopping done, i have not gotten my outside lights out and according to the forecast its gonna be a crummy weekend to do so. I am still going to. i dont care if theres 6 feet of snow!! This weekend i am also baking cookies and hopefully making a ball christmas tree. Also starting next week i will finally have some days off to get things done!

Top Ten things i am thankful for...

so yesterday was thanksgiving and i have a lot thankful for:

1- My Husband! He is more than i deserve really and for the past 8 years (yikes!) he has been my bff!! Im thankful that he deals with me. I know i am tough to live with sometimes and i am thankful that he loves me just the same!! :)

2-My house! Im thankful that i have a house to call my own. Yes it is a lot of work (and money) to maintain, but I am thankful that we are able to have a place to do so.

3- My Job! I may complain about it day in and day out but bottom line, i am thankful for it. Its better than any job i have ever had, its in my field(ish) and it pays my bills. With the economy the way it is I am very lucky to still have a job!

4- My husbands job! I may worry every day of my life about him in his line of work but i am thankful he is doing something he not only loves but also helps other people. Im proud of you hunny! :)

5- My Family! My family is very supportive and always there when i need them. I am very lucky to have such a great family!

6- My friends! Im lucky to have some really great friends who keep me sane(ish) when i get stressed out or just need a good laugh :)

7- My new focus! It was sad to say good bye to the Neon, but the new car is the best! Its great on gas, has power windows AND locks and satellite radio and ambient lighting! lol. Yes it is selfish, but i love it and am thankful for my new wheels!

8- My Dog! She may be a huge brat some times, but im thankful to have such an awesome pup to come home to everyday and snuggle with.

9- That i am NOT a mom! I know this one seems weird, but i am thankful that i do not have a bratty mouth to feed, or a needy child. Maybe some day, but in this point in life i am thankful to be married withOUT children!

10- My health! Growing up i was sick (thyroid) and had to go to the docs every other week. I am thankful that is over with and i am able to live a normal, happy life.

weekend!

Yesterday i decided i wanted to kick it into high gear and get some christmas shopping done! My mom and dad were going shopping and asked if i wanted to tag along. I am never one to pass on a shopping trip, so i got my ass out of bed and started my shopping. We headed to the new Wareham crossing. It was actually really nice and not all that busy. I go a few things for the hubby and then we headed to the LL Bean Outlet. Here i bought TWO boat and tote bags for 7.50 each!! I used one as my shopping bag for the day! i bought tons of stuff and ended up with ZERO bags! (yey!) My favorite was the girl JC Penney when i told her i didnt need a bag she looked at me like i told her i had the plague! i just took my stuff and put it in my tote. So christmas shopping went So/so. i was highly distracted by the fact that i really wanted some new fuzzy boots and had TWO coupons for DSW. So i got new fuzzy boots and a pair of Jessica Simpson shoes that i can not find online (color blue) , that i gave to dan to give to me as a christmas present! lol. After that i went to joannes fabric and have decided i am going to hone my artsy skills and MAKE one of those ball christmas trees... We shall see how this goes! When i came home i made onion rings from The hungry girl cook book. They came out pretty good. It was just Fiber one crushed up with some seasonings as a coating and u bake them for 25 mins. I fail at coating things in egg wash and then breading them.... Maybe some day i will get it! lol. We had these with some turkey burgers! So my sunday was great and i can not wait to get this short work week over with and get working on decorating the house for my favorite Holiday!! :)

Where Did November go??

As i sit here working ahead on stuff for the holiday i realize that i am actually working on stuff for DECEMBER!!! Where did this month go?? we havent DONE anything and its like flown by! I feel like my life has been flying by! Working with scheduling i feel like im always rushing days. Seems like everything just kinda crept up on me this yr. Next week is thanksgiving, its suddenly F-ing freezing out, and i havent bought a SINGLE christmas gift!!!! this is SO unlike me! I blame it on being such an adult and having adult responsibilities! being a grown up sux!