Talk Talkin alot But its Still Talk...

First, i would like to apologize to the 2 ppl that read this blog. Life has been crazy the past few weeks and i think just now things r starting to get back to normal.

Now on to todays rant! My coworker and i used to be pretty good work friends. We were not besties or anything, but i would say we were close enough to go out at lunch together, shop, etc. Over the past few years we have grown apart (100% my doing). I just grew tired of her childish ways and how loud and obnoxious she was about everything. As far as she was concerned i was her 'girl' and she 'had my back' Last week was her last week being my coworker and i was happy to be done with her. I never planned on cutting her out of my life for ever. but i figured she would email me from time to time and i would have occasional, civil contact with her. I knew she was far too dense to know how much i hated her while we worked together. This week work was going great! i didnt have to listen to endless phone conversations, i was able to keep my music on as loud as i wanted and i was in a great mood! Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon when i get an email from her. I didnt really think anything of it at first, i skimmed it real quick cuz i was busy and planned on emailing her back something very vague and cordial. Until i get to the last paragraph. She drops a bombshell on me! She tells me about this rumor going around about me and how 'everyone' is talking about said rumor. I wont get into the rumor on here, but it is a pretty big rumor, the kind that if it was going around about u, u would hope someone would clue u into the fact. She proceeds to tell me that people would ask her 'all the time' and she would deny the rumor for me, cuz again, i am her 'girl'. She didnt want to TELL me about the rumor because it would have been AWKWARD because we sat next to each other. WHAT.THE.FUCK. seriously?! i THOUGHT friends would tell each other these things. Regardless if u thought the rumor was true or not, someone ANYONE should have said to me 'hey amy i know its none of my business, but i thought u had the right to know.' really? not ONE SINGLE PERSON. No one thought they would be nice and just effing HINT that people were saying SHIT about me. I dont care what people choose to believe, i just wish someone would have told me so i could have defended myself. Now i fear its too late. Everywhere i walk around work i wonder 'did they hear?' or 'what are they thinking about me' i think about conversations ive had with coworkers that at the time seemed very random, could they have been misconstrued? I know people are going to think and say what they want, hell if it was about someone else i'd be all over this rumor. But its different when its about you. But whatever. its over, its going around, and people have formed their opinions about me already and theres no changing their minds at this point and i mean i guess its not even the rumor i care so much about. Its these so called 'friends' who just fucking talked about me and 'knew' these things about me and never once told me or hinted to me. No matter how weird it would have made things, if someone was a real, true, genuine friend they would have told me because i had the right to know and thats what friends do...

So as i sit here on a friday night listening to my zune and blogging, i am completely emotionally drained. I think i felt every emotion possible in the past 3 days. I'm glad for the 3 day weekend to finally be here. And i am glad to have learned what kind of a 'good friend' this person is. I just want to know when people will ever grow up and why people care so much about my life??