i try, i really really try to not let things get to me. Sometimes i feel like im too sensitive. Growing up i would get teased, a lot. I was awkward, nerdy, and quiet. When i was a kid people would make fun of my last name, in JR high ppl would make fun of my forehead, in high school people would make fun of my quietness/good grades. All of these things lumped together have made me VERY self conscious. In the back of my mind somewhere i know that these things are just words from people who dont matter or care. Kids are mean, and they leave u with mental scars that no matter how hard you try, u can never forget. I know i am not these things that they say about me. But i still think about them every time i look in the mirror. Which leads me to the point of this blog. When i was in JR high i was fighting with one girl over a boy (shocking i know) i had already been super self conscious about my body at this point and she called me fat. That would be the last time in my life that i would ever be able to eat without thinking about how fat the food was going to make me.
Fast forward to age 25. I am married to a great guy who loves me. Im no longer quiet or nerdy, and i have learned to cover up the forehead. Lately i have been feeling pretty good self esteem wise. I have great friends, a great job and a great husband. Yesterday afternoon i innocently said 'its freezing in here' to which my obnoxious coworker said 'im cold too im glad its no just cuz im bony cuz u are MEATY and ur cold' excuse me?! i am meaty?! i IMMEDIATELY went into fight mode and then my other coworker agreed with her and said that yes i am curvy. i want to cry and never eat again. when i die of an eating disorder u can all have her to thank. i never once considered my LEGS meaty. my legs (or so i thought) were thin. now i look down at my legs and i see frigging tree trunks. The kicker of this whole ordeal is that i am the same height as this person and she weighs a good 20-25 lbs more than i do and is @ least 2 sizes bigger than me. How she can say this is beyond me, but it has rehashed all these feelings. I feel like absolute crap right now. I write this blog with tears in my eyes and i am reverting back to the body image i had when i was 13, fat, ugly, and nerdy. The worst part of is she thinks she did no wrong she "apologized" by saying "i guess im sorry but idk what for" needless to say, im not talking to her.
Why do some people never grow up??
2 comments:
oh amy, i'm sorry to hear all of that. first of all - you are tiny. super tiny.
if you want to talk about tree trunk legs, i can show you mine. lol. i am a bit self-conscious about it too, but between genetics and my thyroid disease there isn't much i can do to help it.
forget about the people who make these nasty comments. you have an awesome husband who loves you more than the world, and you mention having great friends. you're lucky. just hold on to that!
we love you amy! and you are BEAUTIFUL inside and out!
and i can show you my legs too, haha. 10 years of dancing and i get chicken arms and muscle legs. genetics doesn't help either. :)
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