Reasons we are not parents

Caitlin and I are like in so many ways, down to saying the same thoughts at the same time. And one way we are like is that we both are not ready to become moms. We've thoughtfully listed all the reasons we choose to stay childless. I am purple and Caitlin is pink.


-"I am tired of taking care of living things." (Even in a drought, I'm just not dedicated enough to water the plants I grew from seeds.)
-If my car is sick, I'd rather just let the dealer keep it and give me a new one.
-My mom now asks if I have food and am eating every time she sees me.
-Realizing at 10pm that you did not feed the dog.
-Not even knowing how many fish you have in the fish tank, or not noticing when one just disappeared.
-I need my sleep.
-At one point had STFU Parents on Google Reader. (It got old though.)
-That thing called childbirth.
-Stretch marks!
-No drinking for 9 months.
-No coffee for 9 months (total deal breaker).
-Far too self-absorbed.
-I am notoriously impatient.
-Can't stand the sight of a crying baby and have to leave the room.
-I don't think I could care that much about pooping on the potty.
-Daisy of Love is not appropriate family viewing.
- Can't listen to "Crazy Bitch" on full blast in the car with a baby on board.
-Flying to Boston for a Hanson concert? Not gonna happen with kids around.
-Blood? Injuries? Loose teeth? No thank you.
-The possibility of multiples makes me go "Holy crap."
-We're still young!
-Half the time, my boyfriend acts like a child.
-Half the time *I* act like a child.
-My boyfriend said once that he wouldn't want to have just one child on the chance it might have only-child syndrome.
-It's way more eco-friendly (less waste, less need to consume, less energy needed).
-Having to cart them around everywhere sounds terrible (I hate bringing my purse out! Never mind a whole PERSON.)
-I want one that looks exactly like Maddox Jolie-Pitt and logically speaking, that won't happen.
- Kids are too needy.
-The possibility of them wanting to go to LSU for college.
- The possibility of them becoming a Yankee fan.
- The possibility of having a snotty little girl.
- I don't want to spend morning, noon and night talking about how AWESOME my kid's scribbles on a paper are.
- I prefer spending disposable income on shoes... for myself.
- MOM JEANS.
-Being in charge of raising an intellectual human being? I don't work well under pressure and stress.
-Lots of parents complain about how parenthood is a 24/7 job. I need my time off.
-I don't hate kids, I just like to give them back to their parents after an hour or so. :)
- I hate kids. :)